How to end a Venice Days Film, or All of Them

So now that we have seen all of the films competing in our little Venice Days section, we have to speak up. Here is a precise reconstruction of a dialogue between Simon and Sven that totally happened exactly this way:

Sven: Hey Simon! I was totally fed up with [insert name of film here]’s ending. There was just way to little self castration going on.

Simon: I completely agree. If only anybody could have come up with alternative endings to those films.

Sven: But who could do something like that?

Simon (after 5 hours of deliberation and chin stroking): Hey Sven! Maybe WE should do that!

Sven: What a great suggestion, Simon! Also, I think you are very handsome.

Simon: Wow, thanks Sven, you too.

So here we go.

La Prima Luce: The boy or the dad, perferrably both, get run over by a bus. The wife then accuses the bus of being a „violent bus“.

El Desconocido: In the end it is revealed that Carlos was behind it after all, deceiving both his family and the audience, the son of a bitch.

Arianna: Arianna is sitting at her selfhelpgroup about sexuality, when the door opens and Marla Singer from Fight Club enters the room and asks: „Is this prostate cancer?“

Lolo: The fight Lolo and Jean-Rene are having escelates quicker than the fight from Anchorman and the streets run red with blood. Then Julie Delpy makes a period joke.

Early Winter: They reenact the last words from Eyes wide Shut, when Nicole Kidman turns to Tom Cruise, saying: „I do love you, and you know there is something very important we need to do as soon as possible.“ – „What’s that?“ – „Fuck.“

La memoria del agua: Javier is walking through the corn field. He doesn’t notice that about 200 Meters away from him, there is a bus coming towards him at full speed, mowing down the corn. Also, his dead kid is the bus driver.

Underground Fragrance: When it cuts to black, it is revealed that the whole film was just a commercial for Dolce & Gabana’s new perfume Underground Fragrance.

Viva la Sposa: The boy, Salvatore, stands in the bathroom putting on lipstick. Suddenly, Eddie Redmayne steps out of the shadows and aks Salvatore if he can borrow it..

Island City: The film ends after Episode 2. Instead of Episode 3, we get 30 minutes of weird Bollywood dancing.

Klezmer: Witus and Rozalka are sitting in the forest, crying. Out of nowhere, on a beautiful horse, Jamie Foxx appears dressed as a cowboy. He looks at them and briefly states: „Sorry folks, wrong movie.“ Then his horse does a little dance before he leaves the screen.

As I Open my Eyes: Farah and her mother sit at the window, start singing, when suddenly a bus jumps up ten stories, destroys the outside wall, and runs them both over. On the side of the bus is an advert for Farah’s new album ‚Duri duri‘.

Sven and Simon.

Ein Gedanke zu „How to end a Venice Days Film, or All of Them“

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